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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Nature is my medicine. ~Sara Moss-Wolfe

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order. 
~John Burroughs
Hi ya'll.  Harmony Acres is working her magic and I have begun my mental and emotional journey back to the land of the  living.  Nature gently embraces me in an invisible healing hug. I find inspiration everywhere I look.  My friends and family have been incredibly understanding as I attempt to find my way back to "my normal" (which was different than everyone else's to start with).  The tragedy has forever changed my perception of life but I cannot and will not allow fear to control me. I was born strong willed (stubborn some would say).  Every journey begins with one step.  Baby steps, baby steps.  Just take it moment by moment until I conquer all my new found phobias.(Driving the car, seeing a motorcycle, any approaching traffic, people treating me different because I act different, crying unexpectedly, shaking uncontrollably and on and on). 

 My Simple Living odyssey that I had been on has given me a strength that I was unaware that I possessed.  Don't get me wrong, I am still frail at times (the meds help and you know how bad I hate pills), but I will find my way back (Beck won't allow anything less from her mom).  
My goals are:
  1. Daily yoga and meditation to relieve the anxiety and panic attacks. (many friends urge professional counseling.  Me?  I'll do it my way, thank you very much.) Besides, this is as close as I can get to an herbal remedy for my soul and I don't want some stranger poking around inside my head and messing with the junk in my attic.
  2. By the end of the week I will drive myself to Warner (this will take me through the crash area). Just the thought of it  makes me sick at my stomach.
  3. Go back to work next weekend. Why? Cause I want to be normal again.
  4. In two weeks I will no longer need the anxiety pills (I hate pills).
  5. In one month I will be able to drive my car without my hands shaking uncontrollably.
  6. In two months my comfort zone will once again be anywhere I can drive my car and not just the five acres that Harmony Acres sits on.
As I have told you before, Harmony Acres is a place for healing.  Harmony restores that which is broken.  As God uses broken vessels for his divine purpose, so he uses nature to heal broken spirits and soothe the anguished soul.  So it is. 

Back on May 25, a freak wind storm came through.  None of the light weight lawn ornaments were moved or turned over.  However, our beloved willow tree (planted it in the early 90's) was laying flat on the ground.  After the initial shock of the loss, I decided to try to salvage parts of it for furniture.  Many people told me that willow was too weak to be useful for any purpose.  So I waited.  It is now July 30th and this weak, damaged tree is still alive.  Even though a freak incident knocked it down, it is still firmly grounded by it's roots.  It is still thriving and surviving.  I can certainly relate to this. 
My willow was knocked down by a freak accident but it refuses to surrender to it's circumstances.
Life can be like that.

           God has made me a promise in 2 Timothy 1:7:
 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
This is his promise to me and this will get me through this fire storm of life.  I can only speak to my pain because I cannot even imagine the sufferings of the others touched by this tragedy.  Please know, you are never far from my thoughts and are in my prayers continually.  

Another famous quote that I love and gives me cause for hope:
"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa

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